1 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:09,760 Ah! HE GROANS 2 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:13,920 HE LAUGHS Whoo! 3 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,120 HORN BLARES No! 4 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:23,680 SHE LAUGHS 5 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,640 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 6 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,200 Hello! 7 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,240 Thank you. Thank you for the clapping. 8 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,880 You know the drill. It's Taskmaster. I'm Greg Davies. 9 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:47,400 'Some funny folk have completed some tasks and I'm going to judge them on their efforts. 10 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,120 'Jesus Christ, can we just get on with it? LAUGHTER 11 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:53,160 Your five combating contenders are... 12 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,840 James Acaster! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 13 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,520 Jessica Knappett! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 14 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:00,800 Kerry Godliman! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 15 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:02,680 Phil Wang! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 16 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:06,560 And Rhod Gilbert! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 17 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:10,440 And here, standing just shy of five feet tall, 18 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:14,400 it's my sufficient assistant, ooh, it's... 19 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:20,560 ..little Alex Horne! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 20 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:25,720 So... Yes, I've written a poem. AUDIENCE: Ooh! 21 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:29,320 I've passed my driving test. I've seen a foreign film. 22 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,640 CHEERING 23 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:36,080 'I've used talcum powder. This is your big moment. You know that, don't you? 24 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:39,040 I'm reading my CV. I've met... LAUGHTER 25 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:42,280 I've met two jockeys. Now... LAUGHTER 26 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:46,560 'I'll tell you why this irritates me, cos it looks like we've planned this. We haven't. 27 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:52,440 'Alex gets these few moments to say whatever he wants, and this is what he's chosen to say. Rhod,please. 28 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:56,360 'It doesn't look like you planned this. LAUGHTER 29 00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:00,120 I think we need to get on with the show, Alex. OK. 30 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:06,120 'We're gonna start with a prize task. And today's category is to bring in the most confusingthing. 31 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:11,080 Mm. You, Lord Davies, will judge whose thing is the most confusing. 32 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:14,600 'The one with the most confusing thing will max out on points for this section. 33 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:18,760 'At the end of the episode, the winner will take home loads of things to get all befuddledby. 34 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,160 That's how it works. Yeah. LAUGHTER 35 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:25,800 'Thanks, little man. Right. Jessica Knappett, what is your confusing thing? 36 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:29,320 T-shirts. LAUGHTER 37 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:33,240 Five points. That's a great start. Let's end it there. 38 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,320 Specifics? 39 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,840 I think when you buy a T-shirt, wear a T-shirt, 40 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:42,600 you should know why you're wearing it and at least what it says. 41 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,600 I understand so far. What have you brought in? 42 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,680 I've brought in a T-shirt that I bought in a small village in Spain. 43 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,360 LAUGHTER 44 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,360 APPLAUSE 45 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,800 I've been trying to figure out what they meant. 46 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,480 There comes the raven? I don't get it. 47 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:03,080 Here comes the raven? Here comes the raven. But so what? 48 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,560 LAUGHTER 49 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:10,640 'IUF can stand for International Union of Food or Immune Uterine Fluid, 50 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,960 which can attract, that can attract ravens. 51 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,520 That's cleared it up. Wow! OK. Move on. 52 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:20,280 I'll show you how confused I am. LAUGHTER 53 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,800 'James Acaster, what did you bring in that's confusing, and why will it confuse me? 54 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:27,240 A DVD of The Matrix. LAUGHTER 55 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,200 APPLAUSE 56 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:35,560 'Everyone who you spoke to about The Matrix has gone, "I can't wrap my head around it, man. 57 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,280 Try and watch The Matrix, man." LAUGHTER 58 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,280 'I... LAUGHTER Who are these people? 59 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:45,080 My parents. LAUGHTER 60 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:51,320 'But it's a thing, right? It's like saying, "This isn't reality. There's a different reality. 61 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,880 And you're plugged into the matrix. And you're a machine. 62 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,480 Or are you? You're not a machine. You're imagining stuff." 63 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,600 And people don't know what The Matrix is about. 64 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:02,520 'Well, I haven't seen The Matrix, but from what you've just said... Yeah? 65 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:07,480 '..my understanding is the people in the matrix think they're existing in one reality. Yes. 66 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,360 But, in fact, it turns out they're plugged into machines 67 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,840 and they're experiencing an entirely different reality. 68 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:17,120 'Great. Can you go back to the beginning? I didn't get that. LAUGHTER 69 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:20,760 'Do you wanna move on to Kerry? Jesus Christ, yes! LAUGHTER 70 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,000 Kerry, what have you brought in that's confused you? 71 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:26,360 I have brought in the wires round the back of my telly. 72 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,120 LAUGHTER Ha-ha-ha! Yes! 73 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:32,440 APPLAUSE Confusing. 74 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:38,600 'And what's really sad is I bought that Wii U for my son over a year ago. 75 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:42,640 'He hasn't been able to play it for six months cos I can't plug it in. LAUGHTER 76 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:47,040 'I sometimes just don't watch films, like The Matrix, cos I can't be fucked to plug it in. 77 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:50,840 'I can't cope with that. I'm going to write that quote down. "Can't be fucked to plug it in." 78 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,080 LAUGHTER 79 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:58,600 '"Godliman sums things up again. Bosh! Can't be fucked!" Bosh! LAUGHTER 80 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:02,840 'Rhodri, what's the confusing thing you've brought in, and why did it confuse you? 81 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,680 'Well, my story relates to an incident where I went to a T-shirt shop 82 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,160 and they got inexplicably confused at my simple request. 83 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:13,040 'OK. My simple request was, "Can you put my favourite picture onto a T-shirt?" Yeah? 84 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,840 And then they did this. 85 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:19,920 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 86 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:23,880 I don't know if we can see the original pictures. Oh, I wonder. 87 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:27,440 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 88 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:33,160 It's confusing how you're getting away with using this picture. 89 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:37,200 And still they laugh. You prick! 90 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,880 Strap in! There's six more episodes! LAUGHTER 91 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:47,720 'I'm very confused as to why you're so obsessed with a semi-naked me. Er, Phil? 92 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,840 My confusing thing is a confusing little box. 93 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:53,920 Do you wanna see a picture? Yes, please. OK. Here's a picture. 94 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:58,280 It's a confusing little box that you can't open, but you can. 95 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:02,160 But you can't open it. But you can open it. It's a mysterious box 96 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,320 I bought in Thailand from a mysterious man. 97 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,200 LAUGHTER And I haggled. I haggled. 98 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:12,920 I haggled for this box. OK. How did the haggling process go? 99 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:16,560 He said, "300 baht." Yeah? And I said, "150." 100 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,720 'And then he said, "300." And then I said, "200." LAUGHTER 101 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:21,560 And then he said, "300." 102 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:25,440 So I paid 300 baht. LAUGHTER 103 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:28,800 And it's been absolutely worth it. Do you think you can open it? 104 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:32,440 I can't open that picture. No. You can open that box. Oh! 105 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:36,400 'Do you wanna give it a go? It's a confusing little box. This is gonna be good old telly, innit? 106 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,640 LAUGHTER 107 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:43,640 Oh, just open the box, you pussy! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 108 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,960 I don't know where that came from. I don't know where that came from. 109 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:53,920 'CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I don't know where that came from. I don't know where that came from. 110 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:57,560 I don't know where that came from. I just got impatient. 111 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,080 LAUGHTER 112 00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:04,920 Are you upset with me? I'm sorry. I got... I thought... 113 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:09,360 'No, no, no, it's alright. In my head, I thought it was in my head. LAUGHTER 114 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:14,120 'Oh, my God! I've just taken charge of the box. If I'd been there for 20 minutes or so, 115 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:18,240 'I could understand you getting irritated, but I still wouldn't expect that sort of language. 116 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,960 LAUGHTER 117 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,640 'You apologise and we'll leave it there. I'm very sorry. That's alright. 118 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:28,840 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 119 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,960 There you go. Do you wanna try and open it? There you go. 120 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,320 AUDIENCE: Ohhh! 121 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:46,160 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE It is open. It is open. 122 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,600 Are you alright, Phil? You don't even care. 123 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:53,480 'That's 300 baht I'm never getting back. LAUGHTER 124 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:57,120 'It's frustrating, isn't it, Greg, when you're asked to complete tasks under pressure 125 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:01,720 'and there's a lot of people watching? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 126 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:07,200 'Do you wanna judge them? I hope that round of applause was worth the three points you've just lost. 127 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,800 LAUGHTER I'm sorry, James. 128 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:14,520 'And this isn't because you called me a pussy. Or is it? Who knows what reality is any more? 129 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,320 It's just a film. I got it within your description. One point. 130 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,440 One point to James. Yeah. Fair play. LAUGHTER 131 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,320 Kerry, just a bunch of wires. Bosh! Two points. 132 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,960 OK. Two to Kerry. Three. And you're lucky to be getting these. 133 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:29,560 'Why you are so obsessed with me, you freak? Three points. LAUGHTER 134 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:34,080 'I'm gonna give Phil four points, because that T-shirt is still wrecking with my head. 135 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:37,160 Five points to Jess. Well done. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 136 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:42,360 OK. Time for a task to be projected onto the big screen. 137 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:46,920 'Please, Alex. OK. In that case, I'm gonna flick the switch and off we go. 138 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,720 Hello. Ah! 139 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:05,920 Where is he? 140 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,440 Oh, no! 141 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:12,760 Work out what happens when you flick this switch on. 142 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,560 You may not take the switch out of this room. 143 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,800 Your time starts now. SWITCH CLICKS 144 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:23,640 'There's a live wire there and a neutral wire there, coming over there. There's gaffer tapeto there. 145 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,680 Oh, so I'm allowed to flick it. 146 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:32,440 APPLAUSE I hated that one. 147 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,800 Pretty straightforward. Let's crack on, Alex. Crack straight on? Yeah. 148 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:41,040 'OK. We're gonna start with three contestants who didn't enjoy this task. It's two girls, one Wang. 149 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,240 'Ready? LAUGHTER Here we go. 150 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:47,880 It says "Off." On. Let's have a look, shall we? 151 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,720 I wonder if there's just a light. 152 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,160 SWITCH CLICKS No! 153 00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:01,160 'There's a tap that's been left on. I'd be very impressed if you've managed to... 154 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,280 No. 155 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,520 That fan's going. SWITCH CLICKS 156 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,680 Oh! 157 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,440 This is hard. 158 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:14,280 VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRS 159 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:18,040 A-ha! A floodlight. I didn't see you. 160 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:21,320 Hello, Kerry. Right. Keep an eye on that, then. 161 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,040 Oh, come on! 162 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,240 LAUGHTER Is it these lamps? 163 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,360 Come on! 164 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,600 All the lights are on. 165 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,240 Ah! 166 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:41,200 Ah! It's still on! 167 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,520 No. 168 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,440 Turning it off. 169 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:46,920 Now... No! 170 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:52,480 It's not the sprinkler, cos I turned it off and it's still going. 171 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:55,080 On it goes again. No. 172 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,920 Off. We want it off. LAUGHTER 173 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:00,280 Oh! 174 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,240 This is stressing me out, this one! 175 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,560 Yeah! No, it's not them. 176 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:08,960 Hi, Phil. 177 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,240 That's facing the other way. 178 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,840 He's moved. He was facing the other way, wasn't he? 179 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:24,120 Oh, my God! That's turned round. 180 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:26,200 Well, it's off now. 181 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:29,320 It's him! It's him! Ollie? Yeah. 182 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:34,960 A-ha! I've got it! Ollie turns around. I'll stop the clock. 183 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,760 Did you enjoy that one? No! No. LAUGHTER 184 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:42,040 APPLAUSE 185 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,280 That was against the clock, right? Fastest wins. 186 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:48,040 'Ah! Do you think there was any way you could have been more efficient during that task? 187 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:50,120 Yeah, you could have gone out with a checklist. 188 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:54,560 'I mean, the most efficient thing to do would have gone outside and gone, "It's a statue." 189 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:58,080 LAUGHTER 190 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:02,000 'Hindsight. Hindsight is a fine thing. A wonderful thing, yeah. A better thing to do 191 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:05,160 would have gone out with a checklist. Checklist. Yeah. 192 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:09,520 'What, gone out, said, "That's on. That's on. That's on. That's on." Then go back in... 193 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:13,880 'It may be that I've started this tone by smashing that little box, but you seem quite cross. 194 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:18,040 I'll be honest. That was the one I hated the most. This one? Yeah. Why? 195 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:22,000 'It made me very cross. It wore me out. It stressed me out. It hurt my head. 196 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:26,320 'LAUGHTER You were the quickest of these three. Feel better now? 197 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,120 Maybe. LAUGHTER 198 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:34,240 Phil took 10 minutes 50 seconds. Jesus Christ! 10 minutes 50. 199 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,920 Kerry, 9.26. Sorry. 200 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:41,440 And Jess, 11.49. So it is a similar ballpark, all of them. Good. 201 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:45,800 'That's the end of part one, friends. If you're stuck for what to spend all of your money on, 202 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:50,280 'then stay tuned for the next three minutes, then come back to us, please, I need you. 203 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,440 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 204 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:58,920 'CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 205 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,320 Hello! Thank you. 206 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,720 You've just walked in on Taskmaster, but don't worry, we're not shy. 207 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,480 Before the break, there was a tricky little task going on. 208 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:14,120 'You're right. They've been trying to work out what a switch in the lab controls. OK? 209 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:18,040 'Next we're gonna see a little old man. It's Rhod Gilbert. LAUGHTER 210 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,680 So that... But that goes there. 211 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:26,800 'What's that? Is that just something, like, is that connected to the task, or is it something... 212 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,800 There's another plug there. 213 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:33,520 'Well, I'll tell you what, I'll flick that switch off, then nothing will happen when I flick that switch. 214 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:40,720 'LAUGHTER Nothing happens when you flick that switch. Stop the clock. 215 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:46,120 'That's my final answer. Nothing happens. No, maybe it's not my final answer. 216 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:55,200 LAUGHTER Nothing happens. I mean... 217 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,960 Unless it's something that happens somewhere else. 218 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:03,840 'LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I wish that prick was electrocuted in the studio if I flicked that. 219 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:08,240 Take that, you fizzy fuck now, aren't you? 220 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,200 Fizzing in that chair. 221 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,160 Fizzing on your concrete power commode. Take that. 222 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,880 I hope those teeth fall out of your head. It shouldn't take much. 223 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:19,320 Hopefully the answer is you flick the switch 224 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:23,400 'and Greg gets electrocuted and those rotten pistachios he calls teeth just all just rattle about 225 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,440 and fall out of his head. That's my final answer. 226 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:29,560 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 227 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:34,120 I must've done something to you around 2009, 228 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:37,920 because the vast majority of your responses 229 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,600 are about my rotten teeth. 230 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:44,280 'LAUGHTER Which I had fixed some eight years ago. 231 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:47,920 'He was the quickest. He was the quickest. We stopped the clock at 3 minutes 37. 232 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:53,000 'Thank you very much. But I'm not sure he got it right. No. Whoa! He didn't get it! 233 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:57,160 'Yeah, I did. Once I'd clicked the main switch, that switch didn't do anything. 234 00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:01,280 'No. If you'd left it... We all established... Ba-ba-ba-ba! Ba-ba-ba-ba! 235 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:04,520 Ba-ba-ba! Ba-ba-ba! LAUGHTER 236 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:08,640 Now, we're moving on to the last contestant. It's James Acaster. 237 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,920 A really annoying place for the switch to be. 238 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,840 HE LAUGHS Fucking hell! 239 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,680 Fan. 240 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:29,120 Hello, Alex. Hello, James. It's a good one. Thank you. 241 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,160 OK. 242 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,280 LAUGHTER 243 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,920 A-ha! LAUGHTER 244 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,360 It operates you, the switch does. 245 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:52,240 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 246 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,880 Pleased with yourself? 247 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,880 I feel very pleased. LAUGHTER 248 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,600 But was that chance? It was chance. He just caught you. 249 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:04,600 'He checked everything, the whole area in one go, rather... I'll tell you what it was, Kerry. 250 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:08,040 It was urgency. LAUGHTER 251 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:12,440 The man appreciated he was against the clock and he moved with speed. 252 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,720 I was legging it! He didn't wander round going, "It's not the tap. 253 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,800 I'll mosey back to the switch." I was not wandering. 254 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:23,200 'I was running. We were all running! No, Kerry, you were... LAUGHTER 255 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,280 Watch it back! Watch it back! I was running! 256 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:31,160 'You may have done one run. You were largely sauntering. LAUGHTER 257 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:35,720 'And then you went all Phil Mitchell again, when asked a perfectly... "Did you enjoy that, Kerry?" 258 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:39,720 "No, I fucking didn't!" LAUGHTER 259 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:44,560 'How long did James take, then? Well, Jess took 11 something. Phil, 10 something. 260 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,880 You, 9 something. James, 5.35. 261 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,000 It's pretty quick. Ooh! APPLAUSE 262 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,760 'Let's give some points out, shall we? Well, I guess you're doing it for speed. Of course. 263 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:59,160 'I mean, we all know James Acaster gets five points for winning the task. Boom! 264 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:04,560 'It then goes four to Kerry, three to Phil, two to Jessica. But what happens with Rhod? 265 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:08,960 'Go on, give him a point. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE OK. One point. One point. OK. 266 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:12,600 Alex, can we have a look at a score board, please? OK. 267 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,960 There are joint leaders. Phil and Jess have seven points. 268 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:20,040 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 269 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,040 Do you have a nice uplifting task for us? 270 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:27,080 Well, I've got a nice down-lifting task for you. Is that alright? 271 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:29,280 I guess so. Mm! 272 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,800 Ah! Hello! 273 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:45,080 Hello. Hello, Jess. 274 00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:47,680 I'm just taking in my surroundings. Ooh! 275 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:53,760 Hello, James. Ooh, don't touch that. 276 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,400 Well, you can if you want, I suppose. 277 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:02,040 Dramatically alter your appearance. 278 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:04,880 Most dramatic alteration wins. 279 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:09,080 'You may start altering your appearance when you are inside the lift... 280 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:13,160 And the doors are closed. I don't like lifts. 281 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:20,360 'You must stop altering your appearance when the doors... open again. 282 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,880 That's a good way of timing it. A fair way. 283 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,600 That's, like... 18 seconds. 284 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,920 HE LAUGHS 285 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,880 You may inspect the contents of the briefcase... 286 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:37,720 For five minutes before the lift doors open for the first time. 287 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,520 Start the clock! 288 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:43,480 OK. 289 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:45,880 Oh! 290 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,640 OK, great. Cotton wool pleat. 291 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:57,080 I like that. Love it. Love it. Love it. Felt. 292 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,160 Jam. Oh, God. 293 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,560 No. Wig. No. Wig. 294 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,800 So many things. Moustache? 295 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,680 Breasts. 296 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,120 Mustard? I'm no make-up artist. 297 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:14,320 Oh! I can't imagine it's gonna involve mustard. 298 00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:17,720 How much time do I have? You've got two minutes and 20 seconds. Agh! 299 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,800 I've got a sheer panic on. I can't think what to do. 300 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:25,440 'Can I take your coat? Your jacket, please, Alex. I'm gonna call the lift in ten seconds.Ah! 301 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:28,040 Ooh! LIFT BELL DINGS 302 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:32,440 Good luck, Kerry. I'm really scared! 303 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,400 APPLAUSE 304 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:41,480 'Words are key in some of these tasks. And I think the key word here is dramatically. 305 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:44,240 To dramatically alter the appearance. Yes. 306 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:49,800 'I'll give you an example, shall I? This is Alex's normal face. And now... 307 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,240 ..a dramatic face! HE GASPS 308 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,840 LAUGHTER Fucking hell! 309 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:57,680 LAUGHTER 310 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:03,880 'Let's see how dramatically our lift chums altered their appearance. OK. They had 18 seconds in the lift. 311 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:07,680 'We're gonna see each of their attempts individually. Up first, it's Jessie K, 312 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:11,400 'who has already proven herself quite the quick-change artist in episode one, 313 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:15,040 which is available on catch-up on UKTV Play. 314 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,640 LAUGHTER Here she is! 315 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:24,640 Please press G. Yeah. Good luck. Bye. 316 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,040 LIFT WHIRRS 317 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,240 LAUGHTER 318 00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:40,160 LIFT BELL DINGS 319 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,240 SHE LAUGHS 320 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:45,000 LAUGHTER 321 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,800 APPLAUSE 322 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:51,400 I can't move cos it'll fall off. What will fall off? 323 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,000 Oh, I like your shirt and tie. 324 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,280 Unrecognisable. 325 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:01,080 APPLAUSE Yeah. There we go. 326 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:03,520 Shirt and tie. 327 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:06,440 Ah, Mr Bond. LAUGHTER 328 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:11,080 Pretty dramatic, right? Well, I mean, incredible. High drama. 329 00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:15,600 'I actually thought, when the beard fell away, that was when the outfit really kicked in. 330 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:20,080 'Because you'd gone to the trouble of making a tie. Yeah, out of felt. LAUGHTER 331 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:23,360 Felt on paper, that was. Felt on paper. Did you make that pre-lift? 332 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,760 'Yeah, pre-lift. Pre-lift? That's part of the prep. Five minutes prep time. 333 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:31,040 Can I also just say, I have a genuine phobia of lifts. 334 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:36,560 'Do you think it was that big a deal if you overcame it in five minutes? LAUGHTER 335 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,600 It was 18 seconds. 336 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,240 I knew that it was only gonna be 18 seconds, 337 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:45,000 'and I knew that they'd get me out because they had to because I'm on telly. Yeah. 338 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,120 LAUGHTER 339 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,520 Just like that! Bam! It's the end of part two! Bam! Just like that! Bam! 340 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,360 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 341 00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:59,160 'CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 342 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:04,720 'Thanks, thanks, and an extra side portion of thanks. It's Taskmaster part three 343 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:10,120 'and five comedians are vying for Kerry Godliman's HDMI cable. LAUGHTER 344 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:13,440 Which task are we in the thick of, little Alex Horne? 345 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:17,560 We are doing one that's really elevated the series, Greg. 346 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:20,360 LAUGHTER 347 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:27,240 Yes. Aww! God. Heartbreaking. LAUGHTER 348 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,920 'I'm so sorry. They're trying to alter their appearance as much as possible 349 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:34,600 'within the 18 seconds it takes the lift to go from upstairs to downstairs. 350 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,240 They had five minutes to prepare and a case full of props. 351 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:39,640 We're gonna see what's going down with Phil Wang. 352 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:41,720 Please press G. 353 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,560 LIFT BELL DINGS 354 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,520 LAUGHTER 355 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:04,880 Who are you? 356 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,400 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 357 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:11,720 OK. 358 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,560 LAUGHTER Er, pleased? 359 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,720 Yeah. Couldn't look much different. 360 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:22,720 Also, you'll notice that when I went in, I wasn't holding a jar of jam. 361 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:28,440 'I mean, that's one of the things I want to discuss more than anything else, really, 362 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:32,560 is how you think that holding a pot of jam alters your appearance. 363 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,880 Mm. So, I go from... LAUGHTER 364 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:38,240 I go from appearing not to have any jam, to appearing as I do. 365 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,880 I'm backing you up here, Wang. Thank you. 366 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:45,760 'He didn't have jam when he went in. He had jam when he came out. LAUGHTER 367 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,560 The bigger problem for me, I thought, was that it was, 368 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:52,160 'there's one thing about you, across this whole series, that is unmistakably you. 369 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,120 LAUGHTER 370 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,560 'Never any doubt. Whereas if you had just held the jam there... LAUGHTER 371 00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,080 ..thus completely transforming your identity. Yeah. 372 00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:05,040 'Do you wanna see what Rhod did? Let's hope that what Rhod did isn't more ridiculous 373 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,200 than just holding a jar of jam. 374 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,200 OK. This is what Rhod did. Let's go. 375 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,840 Get in the lift and press G. 376 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,640 Press G? Yes, please. Good luck. 377 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:25,440 LIFT BELL DINGS 378 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:29,040 LAUGHTER 379 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:38,280 'Does it hurt? Oh, the mustard in my eyes is agony. LAUGHTER 380 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:42,640 'I'm really thinking now I should've used mayonnaise. LAUGHTER 381 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:50,280 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 382 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:57,560 'That's how dramatically I altered my appearance. I went to the ladies' toilets immediately after that. 383 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:04,400 'I knew your clothes were coming off, so that was no surprise to me. But there was absolutely no need 384 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,960 to rub mustard into your face. LAUGHTER 385 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,680 'Also, that was a wig. He chose a wig which looked exactly like his hair. But it was a wig. 386 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,280 LAUGHTER 387 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:16,440 'I didn't even know you were wearing a wig. LAUGHTER 388 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,800 I thought you took your clothes off and smeared mustard over your face. 389 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:23,280 That is the sign of a good wig. LAUGHTER 390 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:26,080 Who's next? What will Kerry Godliman do? 391 00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:29,680 'Let's see Kerry Godliman's attempt to find out the answer to the question 392 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,080 about what Kerry Godliman will do. Here we go. 393 00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:35,640 What do I press? G. 394 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,440 You did say that. Sorry. 395 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,440 One. 396 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,320 Two. 397 00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:43,720 Three. 398 00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,040 Four. 399 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,160 Five. 400 00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:50,320 Six. 401 00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:52,600 Seven. 402 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,880 Eight. 403 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,080 Nine. 404 00:25:57,120 --> 00:26:00,200 'Ten. LIFT BELL DINGS No! I'm not ready! 405 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,280 That wasn't 20 seconds. Would you mind stepping out of the lift? 406 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,480 That wasn't 20 seconds. LAUGHTER 407 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,840 There was so much more that was gonna happen. 408 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:13,400 'It's a good look. No, because I was gonna do the knees on the shoes and I was gonna wear theshades. 409 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,840 LAUGHTER Thank you, Kerry. OK. 410 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:20,520 APPLAUSE 411 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:25,480 'I was so excited about that one. Yeah. So, who was your final character going to be? 412 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,080 I was just meant to be dramatically... Are you trying to... 413 00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:30,520 I know where he's going. Where are we going with this? 414 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:35,000 'I'm just wondering what you thought your final character, who you thought your final character... 415 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:39,720 'The task wasn't to become a character. The task was just to dramatically change. No, I know! 416 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:43,040 'What is your problem with this? I haven't got a problem. I'm just asking... 417 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:47,120 'Imagine if you were a foot shorter, how dramatically different... You'd be nothing. 418 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,000 LAUGHTER 419 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:53,440 'Also, I did look dramatically different, more so than these two. Yeah. Yeah. 420 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:56,800 'So as long as we're not the same. No, you did not... I was just backing you up! 421 00:26:56,840 --> 00:27:01,360 'No. Have you learned nothing? All you did was shove a bloody Brillo pad on your tits. 422 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:05,120 LAUGHTER 423 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:09,120 'That's not what I did. That's not what I did. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 424 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:13,680 'I was sticking up for you. You need to learn not to help people cos we always stab you in the back. 425 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,320 You do, all of you! LAUGHTER 426 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:19,000 'I would like to point out that when Rhod accused you of putting a Brillo pad on your tits, 427 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,760 James Acaster went like this. LAUGHTER 428 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:26,040 'That was mainly cos of the word "tits." LAUGHTER 429 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:31,560 OK. The last person is James Acaster. Here we go. 430 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:39,720 ALARM RINGS 431 00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:42,080 LAUGHTER 432 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:50,640 Oh, no! No! 433 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:54,400 No! No! No! LIFT BELL DINGS 434 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:57,120 No! No! No! 435 00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:00,920 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Please step out of the lift. 436 00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:03,760 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 437 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:09,520 Oh, I'm last. I'm last in this one. Do you think? 438 00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:12,760 APPLAUSE 439 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,520 This is what happens if you believe what happens in films. 440 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:19,240 'Cos you pressed the emergency button and you just thought it would stop. 441 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,960 Yeah. You can take your time. Probably could override it. 442 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:26,240 'Yeah, yeah. Press that, the whole thing would stop. An alarm went off and you continued to travel. 443 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:28,800 LAUGHTER Points. 444 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,200 One point, James Acaster. 445 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,160 OK. The second least dramatically-disguised. 446 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,840 'It doesn't matter how many pots of jam someone is holding... LAUGHTER 447 00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:42,840 'This again! ..I will still be able to identify them, particularly if they've labelled themselves. 448 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:46,120 Two points for Phil Wang. As not them! And thank me for those. 449 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,920 Purely cos she doesn't know the concept of time, 450 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:55,600 'it's old furry norks, Kerry. LAUGHTER Three points. OK. 451 00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,040 So it's between Jess and Rhod. 452 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:02,840 'Now, when Jess first stepped out of the lift, I hadn't got a clue who it was. 453 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,680 'SHE GASPS And unfortunately, her beard fell away 454 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:10,360 and I knew it was definitely Jessica Knappett. 455 00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:16,120 'Are you joking? I'm gonna lose to mustard face? LAUGHTER 456 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,000 And so, against all odds, with five points, the winner of this 457 00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:24,520 'is old mustard face, Mr Rhod Gilbert. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 458 00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:26,840 Four to Jess. Five to Rod. 459 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,400 You! Yes? What's next? Well, thank you. 460 00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:34,160 This one has been weighing very heavily on my mind. Here it is. 461 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:56,400 Make these scales read 31.770kg. 462 00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:58,440 Kilograms. LAUGHTER 463 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:03,560 The scales must read 31.77kg... For at least five seconds. 464 00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:05,880 Fastest wins. 465 00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,040 Your time starts now. MACHINE BEEPS 466 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,120 OK. I've broken it. 467 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:13,600 'What's that? It means you're too heavy. I can't be too heavy. It's only my foot. 468 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,720 'MACHINE BEEPS You're too heavy for the scales. Shut up! 469 00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:18,640 Seriously? Yes. 470 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:23,600 'Are you winding me up? How bloody rude! LAUGHTER 471 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,120 APPLAUSE 472 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:32,000 They had to make the scales weigh exactly 31.770kg. 473 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:36,560 'Yeah. They all tried to do it initially by putting their body on it and... 474 00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:41,080 'And? It's a butcher's scale, it's very sensitive. You'd have to lop a body part off. 475 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:45,760 'LAUGHTER OK. First up to the scales, it's Phil Wang. 476 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,080 What? 477 00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:53,160 How much is 37? 478 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,560 WATER SLOSHES 479 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:05,720 LAUGHTER 480 00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:15,120 HE GROANS 481 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:17,760 MACHINE BEEPS Oh, shit! 482 00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:22,240 Hot damn! We're in business. OK. 483 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:32,080 CHEERING Congratulations. 484 00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:35,720 I've stopped the clock. Great. Can I get a selfie? 485 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:37,600 CAMERA CLICKS 486 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,280 APPLAUSE 487 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:45,280 'That is the most delightfully nerdy response to a task we've ever had. LAUGHTER 488 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:50,280 'Selfie. It looked like an audition for The Big Bang Theory. LAUGHTER 489 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:54,920 'He nailed it. I mean, the bucket, it was only 345g over when he first put it on, 490 00:31:54,960 --> 00:32:00,160 'which is about the weight of a hamster in or on a baseball. LAUGHTER 491 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,480 What I would say was it wasn't as quick as we made it look. 492 00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,000 It took him six minutes to fill and then drag the bucket. 493 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:09,080 'But the benchmark is 8 minutes 28 seconds. That's what he achieved. OK? 494 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:13,760 'I forgot there was a time element. Right. Just one part to go, with the studio task to be completed 495 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:17,600 and confusing things to be won. See you right back here soon. 496 00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:20,360 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 497 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,680 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 498 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:31,960 Hello. Welcome to the final part of this Taskmaster instalment. 499 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,080 Yes. And I'm called Alex. 500 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:37,480 Before the break, they were trying to make an industrial set of scales 501 00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:41,120 display 31.770kg exactly. 502 00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:46,040 'Do you wanna see the two parents have a go? Yes, I do. OK, here are Kerry and Jess. 503 00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:51,440 'I haven't really thought this through. Oh, sorry! LAUGHTER 504 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:53,600 Right. 505 00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:01,720 Oh, it's gonna take ages. LAUGHTER 506 00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:06,000 'LAUGHTER One? Am I allowed to go out and come back in? 507 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:09,280 Or do I have to do it all here? All the information's on the task, Jess. 508 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:13,280 'SHE SIGHS Can I have everybody's shoes, please? 509 00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,240 LAUGHTER 510 00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:19,280 I'm gonna need 31 pairs of shoes at this rate. 511 00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:25,440 'Why did I do that? There are no windows open in here. It absolutely stinks. 512 00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:34,160 'SHE SIGHS I could get some heavy stuff. I could get some heavy stuff. 513 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:37,680 That's the key, isn't it? Heavy stuff? But not as heavy as me. 514 00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:39,920 I don't understand what to do. 515 00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:43,640 Why have you only used shoes? LAUGHTER 516 00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:47,320 Does it say you have to stay in this room? 517 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:50,160 Oh, you made out like I did! 518 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,600 I said all the information's on the task. 519 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:55,040 SHE SIGHS You're kidding me! 520 00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:01,840 This isn't practical. I should've just gone with bricks. 521 00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:04,840 Oh! LAUGHTER 522 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:10,120 Oh, my God! It absolutely stinks in here. 523 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,400 Right, now we're really close, aren't we? 524 00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:19,920 How much does water weigh? LAUGHTER 525 00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:23,160 Oh! Oh! 526 00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,520 Oh, no! It's alright. 527 00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:32,120 One. Two. Three. Four. 528 00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:36,400 I've stopped the clock. It took a while, didn't it? 529 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:43,040 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 530 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:45,640 Yes! 531 00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:48,240 What? Oh, it's gotta be five seconds. One. 532 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:50,320 Two. Three. 533 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:54,360 Four. Five. I've stopped the clock. APPLAUSE 534 00:34:56,080 --> 00:35:01,720 'It's often that quotes get thrown up that I think may or may not haunt contestants. 535 00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:08,040 'I mean, I thought, "I could use heavy stuff, but not as heavy as me," was mildly embarrassing, 536 00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:12,920 'but it was hugely eclipsed by, "How much does water weigh?" How much does water weigh? 537 00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,800 LAUGHTER 538 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:20,480 'She ended up with a time of 1 second and 16 minutes. What? LAUGHTER 539 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:24,200 'Not awful. Your approach looked a bit like the back of your telly to me. 540 00:35:24,240 --> 00:35:28,080 Just absolute carnage. LAUGHTER 541 00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:31,320 Kerry, as well. We know that Phil got 8 minutes 28. 542 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:39,080 Kerry, 8 minutes and 13 seconds. Oh! Oh! Not so shit, then. 543 00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:42,440 LAUGHTER I always knew it was alright. 544 00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:46,760 Thanks. Yeah. Rhod and James are next up. 545 00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:57,280 There's gotta be an easier way of this, I reckon. 546 00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:59,440 Will that do? 31.6? No, that won't do. 547 00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:02,760 It needs to be 31.770. Jesus! 548 00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,360 You must be a butcher's nightmare. LAUGHTER 549 00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:07,360 Why that number? 550 00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:10,680 Huh? 551 00:36:10,720 --> 00:36:12,640 Do you not like that number? 552 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:15,400 Well, it's just a very specific number, isn't it? Yes, it is. 553 00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:19,440 LAUGHTER 554 00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:23,720 0.065g. 555 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,120 HE SPITS 556 00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,280 It's not gone up at all. HE SNORTS 557 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:33,120 Oh, no! LAUGHTER 558 00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:34,880 HE SPITS 559 00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:45,000 HE GASPS 560 00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:48,960 Oh! Easy. APPLAUSE 561 00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:01,680 Thank you, James. Thank you. APPLAUSE 562 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:06,000 More balloons than spit, eh? LAUGHTER 563 00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:10,760 'The problem was, you slightly misread the scales. You thought you needed 0.065 more grams, 564 00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:13,160 but you needed 65g... What? ..worth of spit. 565 00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:16,760 When you started spitting, you actually needed 65g. 566 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:20,280 That's a tennis ball. That's a tennis ball-worth of spit. 567 00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:23,480 I did it. Eventually. LAUGHTER 568 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:28,160 Rhod, 7 minutes 7. James, 5 minutes and 44 seconds. 569 00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:31,680 Wins the task. Yep. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 570 00:37:31,720 --> 00:37:35,880 Just to run it down, it goes James with five points, Rhod with four, 571 00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:39,240 Kerry with three, Phil with two, and Jess, who took ages, one point. OK? 572 00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:42,040 Bad luck. Bad luck. APPLAUSE 573 00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:45,560 'James, your enquiring mind kept demanding what's the significance of the weight, 574 00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:48,040 and I know Alex is keen to tell everyone, aren't you? 575 00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:52,840 'Have you worked out the significance of the weight? Ollie. It says Ollie upside down.Oh! 576 00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:54,920 Ollie! 577 00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:04,240 APPLAUSE 578 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:10,120 'Score board? Yes, I'll give you a score board. Well, the series scores are... 579 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:15,080 'not as close as we would have hoped, but we've got James in last place with 57. 580 00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:19,800 Then Phil with 58. We move into the 60s. 63 to Rhod. 64 to Jess. 581 00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:23,560 Bosh! She's still there with 72. Kerry's in the lead so far. 582 00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:26,600 Oh, man! Yeah. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 583 00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:30,680 However, what I can tell you is that this episode is tight. 584 00:38:30,720 --> 00:38:35,080 'There are just two points separating all five of them. Rhod's in the lead. Phil's on 11. 585 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:39,040 'And there are three people in joint second. So it really is all to play for. 586 00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:43,200 'APPLAUSE In that case, it's time for you all to vacate your chairs 587 00:38:43,240 --> 00:38:46,200 and make your way to the stage for the final task of the show! 588 00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:48,200 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 589 00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:55,960 'Who's going to read the task out? James Acaster is gonna read the task out. 590 00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:00,160 Oh! They've got handcuffs on. LAUGHTER 591 00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:03,760 Oh, no! Oh, no. Do you want me to hold it for you? Yes, please. 592 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:07,840 Alex. Alex. Thank you. LAUGHTER 593 00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:11,080 Correctly don the most items of clothing. 594 00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:16,960 You have 100 seconds. Most new items of clothing correctly donned wins. 595 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:20,560 OK. Blow your whistle, let's get donning. 596 00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,440 '100 seconds, starting now. WHISTLE BLOWS Good luck. 597 00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:25,920 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 598 00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:29,280 Round the back. 599 00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:32,680 Sunglasses on. 600 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:36,280 How are you gonna get that on? 601 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:38,640 That won't go. That will not go. 602 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:41,240 Oh, yes, it will. No, it won't. 603 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:44,800 It's on! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 604 00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,680 Good. You've got one minute left. One minute left. 605 00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:55,800 One item to go here. One item to go. 606 00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:01,120 Really nice! 607 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:03,000 Really nice! 608 00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:06,960 35 seconds! I'll put my hat on you, you put your hat on me. Yeah. 609 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,640 AUDIENCE: Ohh! Oh, that's gone. That's gone. 610 00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:12,800 Have you finished, Phil? Have you finished? Not yet. 611 00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,560 It's the final 20 seconds. Come on! 612 00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:19,320 LAUGHTER AND CHEERING 613 00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:34,320 Five, four, three, two, 614 00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:37,080 one. WHISTLE BLOWS 615 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 616 00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:43,760 Come down here. Let's see how that affects the final scores. Alright. 617 00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:51,760 We've looked at the footage. Yes. 618 00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:56,240 We have only counted up the items that were donned correctly. OK. OK. 619 00:40:56,280 --> 00:41:00,320 Phil is last. He gets one point. OK. Jess, Kerry and Rod 620 00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:04,520 all donned four items correctly. AUDIENCE: Ooh! 621 00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:07,200 They all get four points. Whoa! 622 00:41:07,240 --> 00:41:12,520 'James Acaster donned five items correctly. He gets five points and wins the task. 623 00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,400 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 624 00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:19,720 'That is going to make a pretty dramatic difference to the score board. 625 00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:22,640 I enjoyed that. Thank you. LAUGHTER 626 00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:25,520 It does. It means the final score board looks like this. 627 00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:29,280 It's a tie-break! Oh! Oh, wow! AUDIENCE GASP 628 00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,320 No! LAUGHTER 629 00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,800 How are we gonna find our winner? LAUGHTER 630 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:37,240 Well, there's a lovely little extra task, of course, Greg. 631 00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:40,600 'All they had to do in this one was make the best loo-roll-paper aeroplane. 632 00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:47,040 'They had five minutes and one attempt. Furthest flight wins. Here we go. 633 00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:51,920 'I can't make a paper aeroplane using normal paper. I can't hear you. 634 00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:54,760 LAUGHTER 635 00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:01,080 Are you ready? Yep. 636 00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:07,680 APPLAUSE There we go. 637 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:14,280 'Well, I would say that it's certainly not guaranteed after that effort. 638 00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:17,160 LAUGHTER Next up, Rhod Gilbert. 639 00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,920 Make a paper aeroplane using only toilet paper. 640 00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,880 ENGINE WHIRRS 641 00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:30,080 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 642 00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:37,960 Oh. Oh, dear. So James achieved a flight of 3.9m. Not bad. 643 00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:41,960 But Rhod achieved a flight of 22.7m. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 644 00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:45,920 There you go. Very good. 645 00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:49,920 'Well done to tonight's champion, Rhod Gilbert! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 646 00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:56,240 'Please meander to the stage and collect your confusing items! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 647 00:42:57,240 --> 00:42:59,960 So, what have we learned today? 648 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,600 We've learned that everything could be a construct. 649 00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:07,840 Maybe none of this is real. Is it a television show? Is it reality? 650 00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:11,160 Whoa! Yep! It's real! It's real! 651 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:16,560 'And in case you've already forgotten, Rhod is tonight's worthy winner. 652 00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:18,480 Let's award him with applause 653 00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:22,040 and then ignore each other until next time. 654 00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:24,560 Have a lovely night. Night-night! 655 00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:27,240 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 656 00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:33,960 Subtitles by Red Bee Media